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Shut Up and Leave Me Alone 

(June 2000)


I am not a Morning Person, by any stretch.  

I set my alarm at least 20 minutes ahead of the time I actually need to get up, because I know it will take me at least 20 minutes to even begin to think to leave my bed.  People at work have learned that talking to me before 9 a.m. is an iffy proposition.  I enjoy a beautiful sunrise - but only if I've been awake all night and it's the last thing I'm doing before I go to sleep.  Past girlfriends will testify to the fact that I am not a Morning Person (you can make of that what you will).  

No - I am definitely a Night Owl.  I like staying up late, even when I have nothing to do but watch TV or surf the Net.  I hardly go to bed before 2 or 3 on Friday and Saturday nights, even if I'm not out.  I feel odd if I'm in bed before the clock hits double figures.  I like doing things at night - the 24-hour supermarkets in Boston were a dream come true, and I used to do my grocery shopping at one in the morning (no crowds, no carts,  no problem).

Here's the thing - I have nothing against Morning People, per se - but why do they always seem to feel the need to "morning-ize" Night Owls?  All Night Owls know them - the spouse/partner that jumps out of bed, whips open the curtains, and says stuff like "What a beautiful morning!  Get up!  Get up!" while your head is splitting open in agony from the shaft of sunlight that is beaming straight past your closed eyelids.  Or the co-worker that squawks "Coffee?  You don't need coffee!  Wake up!"  Or the friend that's always trying to get you to "Come hiking/mountain biking/fishing/whatever!  We start at 6 a.m. - it's great!"

Night Owls leave Morning People in peace.  We don't go "Hey! There's a great movie starting at 11 p.m.  Stay up with me!" because we know you won't make it past the opening credits.  Or "Come keep me company while I read my book."  We're actually glad you're going to sleep.  Or "Whaddaya mean, it's late?  I'm horny!"

Okay - so we might actually say that last one.

My point is - why can't Morning People just leave us Night Owls be, the way we let them be?  Why do Morning People feel this primal urge to "get me up"?  I feel no such urge to put them to sleep (unless it's as a result of one of the aforementioned examples - and then that's provocation.  Then they deserve everything they get at that point.)  

What do they feel we're missing out on?  Sunrises?  Most Morning People I know get up after the sun rises anyhow.  Cosy breakfasts? Nice once in a while - but I prefer long, late dinners when I don't have to rush the food or the conversation to go somewhere.  What else?  Morning television?  Traffic jams?  Leaving that warm spot in the bed that just happens to be shaped exactly like me?  Pass, pass and pass.  

Morning sex?  Well, they got me there - but I still prefer that at night.  So sue me.

It takes me a while to really wake up - at least an hour (and that's after I actually leave the bed).  Some mornings (though not all), coffee is essential.  I know what the sun looks like - I grew up in a tropical country, and I don't need a reminder every single morning.  

All Night Owls really want in those first excruciating minutes of wakefulness is to be left alone.  During that time, a grunt is a perfectly legitimate form of communication (if it isn't, how come other Night Owls know exactly what a grunt means at around 7:21 a.m.?)  It means "This is not the time to try to get me to talk/think/like mornings/do anything but grunt!"   

So to all the Morning People reading this (you know yourselves!); the next time you encounter one of us Night Owls, remember - there's no need to fill the silence.  Communication doesn't have to happen first thing in the morning.  Coffee can be beautiful.  You can eat lunch foods for breakfast.  And sometimes, it's best just to let us wake up at our own pace.

Cause if you don't - we'll stay up all night thinking of ways to make your life a living hell.


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Past Responses to 'Shut Up and Leave Me Alone'


Two summers ago, I essentially lived at a friend's apartment.  In the morning I'd get up (around 10 or 11), get two Diet Cokes out of the fridge, go into her room, put one in her hand, go sit on the couch and wait for her to drag herself out of bed. We never spoke for the first 15 to 20 minutes we were awake - it was just safer that way.  To this day, I know when she needs to talk, because she shows up at my door first thing in the morning (read 10 or 11) with two 60 oz. Diet Cokes in hand.


Should I even begin to respond to your ramblings?  All I have to say is that this morning person keeps her morningness to herself, thank you very much!


As a morning person I'd like to defend some of us.  It's not that we are trying to convert you 'Night Owls' or make your lives a living hell, but we just like to share part of the beauty the world has to offer - like a beautiful sunrise Sounds like a load of bull?  I think not.......You need to try and have an open mind , otherwise we might as well just buy you folks a coffin and a long black cape. 


When I wake up in the morning, I want to feel a man's hands around my body, and I want him to give me my morning breakfast.....and it's not food I'm talking about!!!


You are so correct!  I cannot stand getting up early and I just don't know why people go to sleep early.  I hate coffee though - give me juice. But I like your speed!  Most fellas don't think like you.


Without a doubt, mornings were meant for sleeping!!!   As another Night Owl, we nocturnal creatures like to sleep late, cause we're up late...simple!  Thank God my roommate was another nocturnal creature. We had "breakfast" on Saturdays & Sundays about 2pm. Talk to me after noon...I promise...I won't bite then.



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